I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
