I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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