im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
