he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
