i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
