I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
