the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
