Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
