That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize