its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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