Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
