I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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