Porn is love you can see.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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