This girl is more easily done than said...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
