3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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