if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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