i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
