3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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