I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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