Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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