he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
