I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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