I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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