So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please, let me fuck your mom
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
