what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
