I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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