we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
