I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
