32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
