found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
