There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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