Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
