so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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