we have pet lesbian snakes
why didn't you poke me back
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
