blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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