these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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