While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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