saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
