Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my poor anus
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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