I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
