Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
