it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize