my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
