dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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