im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
