I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
