Betty ford says i'm here all night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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