I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
