Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
