4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
