Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
