It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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