nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
