end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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