I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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