I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
