On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
