the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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