I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
