I've blown a few things in my day
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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